I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
