Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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