bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
