shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
