I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
