my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
