your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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