Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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