I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
