so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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