you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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