I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
