Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
