I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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