dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
