It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
