Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
