I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im part way to drunk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
