from now on my penis is your penis
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
