He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
