As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
