Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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