Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize