i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
