Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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