glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize