So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
