Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
