You smell like stripper and shame
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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