Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
