So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
