would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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