he thought i was a dude.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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