i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
