just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
