The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
