So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
