So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
