U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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