If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
