me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
