I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My vagina just clenched in fear
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
