matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cockslap morals
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
