i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
