dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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