Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
