Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
