Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
