plz talk dirty to me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
