my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
