that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
