I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
