That's intense
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
