just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
