We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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