I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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