What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
