You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
