at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize