I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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