how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
