you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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