so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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