Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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