Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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