my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
