This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
