Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
