So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
