This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
