you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Come see our sink grown plant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
