I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
