Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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