I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
