Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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