We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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