Your face is a jimmy john
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
