My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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