Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
