mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if only i could text you this smell
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
